Rung one: assume logistics, not betrayal
A large share of “missed” family payments are a cancelled standing order after a bank switch, a new account, or a genuinely forgotten date. The first move is a message that offers an exit ramp with dignity: “Think the June payment might have bounced — new account?” If your agreement includes a grace period, this is precisely the window it was designed for.
Rung two: renegotiate on paper, not on vibes
If the truth is a squeezed budget, a smaller payment that reliably arrives beats a larger one that reliably doesn’t. Agree the revised figure and dates in writing — even a clear email exchange — so the loan’s paper trail stays continuous. A useful side-effect under the Limitation Act (sections 29–30): a written, signed acknowledgement of the debt — or a part payment — restarts the six-year clock, keeping your claim window open while you’re being generous.
Rung three: the formal letter
When soft contact has failed, pre-action protocol expects a letter before claim: the outstanding amount, how it’s calculated, a reasonable deadline, and a plain statement that a court claim follows otherwise. It costs a stamp and frequently works, because it converts a drifting awkwardness into a decision the borrower has to actually make.
Rung four: Money Claim Online
The claim itself is filed from a laptop. Debts under £10,000 travel the small-claims track, which is deliberately built for people without solicitors and where legal costs largely stay off the table. Your evidence bundle is short: the signed agreement, the bank record of the advance, the payment history, your letter. (LendRight agreements can also be independently checked at verify.trylendright.com — useful if the other side disputes the document itself.) Judgments can be enforced — attachment of earnings, charging orders — but in family cases the judgment itself usually does the persuading.
“It was a gift”: the burden is theirs
The defence you’re most likely to meet isn’t “I never got the money” — bank records killed that one — it’s “that was a gift.” English law has an answer with a name: Seldon v Davidson [1968] 1 WLR 1083, where the Court of Appeal held that once payment is proved, a recipient claiming it was a gift must prove the gift. The starting inference runs in the lender’s favour. With a signed agreement the point never even opens; without one, Seldon is your floor, not your ceiling — you still face an argument a single page would have prevented. Worth knowing either way: it means going to court without a written agreement is difficult, not hopeless.
One tax footnote for rung two and beyond: if you eventually decide to write the debt off, formalise it — a waiver of a loan is a gift for inheritance-tax purposes (a potentially exempt transfer), and to be legally effective a waiver given for nothing in return should be made by deed. The tax guide covers it.
The deadline over the whole ladder
Six years from a missed due date (or from the last payment or written acknowledgement) is the general limit for suing on a simple contract. It sounds like forever; families routinely drift past it precisely because chasing feels unkind. The ladder above exists so that kindness and the deadline can coexist.